


And beneath my hand, your heartbeat

by RocioWrites



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 05:16:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2953709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RocioWrites/pseuds/RocioWrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyouya has awful dreams about losing Kaoru – sometimes to someone else, sometimes in awful accidents or to health issues.</p><p>(Based on a headcanon posted on the #kyokao tag by oh-so-typical tumblr user.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	And beneath my hand, your heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS: Mentions of a major character dying (Kaoru doesn’t really die, don’t worry) and mentions of underage school boys having sex.
> 
> I wrote this on a whim so yeah, don’t expect perfection or an expertly thought-out fic, sorry. Pretty sure I had the anime canon in mind jsyk.

**1 & 2**

The first time it happens he hasn’t even acknowledged his feelings for the younger twin. He’s in the family cottage with his siblings, enjoying a well-deserved time off. He wakes up startled and agitated, cold sweat running down his forehead, fear still clogged into his veins, tears still running down his cheeks. He can’t remember the exact details but _knows_ what the nightmare was about and it leaves him paralyzed for long minutes until he can clear his mind enough to remind himself that this is the real world, and here Kaoru is safe and sound in his mansion holed up with his twin brother surely playing pranks on the poor maids that work there.

Closing his eyes again, he idly wonders why this sudden nightmare about Kaoru popped into his mind. What leaves him disturbed is the fact that it felt _so real_ – the desperation and utter devastation he felt at seeing Kaoru die in a tragic accident was unbearable.

Kyouya goes back to sleeping too late to actually rest and when he wakes up again in the morning, he still feels restless and unsettled about the whole thing. A feeling in his gut doesn’t leave him be. It’s weird, he knows, because he – as any Ootori – is a man of science to say it somehow. Trusting in intuition or feelings it’s more Tamaki’s field than his, and yet, he can’t shake the unfathomable urge to get ahold of Kaoru and make sure he’s really okay.

Fuyumi watches him battle with himself all through breakfast, grumbling at his phone since there’s no reception out here in the outsides of the city. She worries but he won’t tell her what’s bothering him so in the end, she lets it go as Akito recommends her to do.

The second night doesn’t go any better as he dreams something equally awful again. This time he should be prepared for it; however, he isn’t. He helplessly sees his friend get killed in a kidnapping gone wrong; assailants too violent to be professional, too vicious for him to stomach the beating and torture that precedes the murder.

He wakes up sobbing, begging for them to stop, to have mercy – _Kaoru is such an innocent soul, why would anyone be so brutal?_

Fuyumi is attracted by the desperate noises and the sounds of choked tears, she enters the room carefully and Kyouya is sitting in bed, watching the dark nothingness infront of him while trying to catch his breath.

“Hey.” She whispers and his eyes are red and swollen when he looks her way. “It was a nightmare.” She assures and sits beside him.

Kyouya goes pliant when she makes them both lie down.

It should be comforting but the only thing Kyouya can worry about is Kaoru’s safety. He rationally knows this is nonsense, the red-head is fine. And the more he thinks about it, the more upset he gets with himself, with his reaction, with this unjustifiable need of holding Kaoru close and feel him breath steadily, chest rising and falling like he does with Tamaki when the blond naps in the Third Music Room.

The wind blows outside, branches scratching the window glass projecting shadows onto the bed and floor, making sounds that in any other moment Fuyumi would classify as spooky – right now, she’s worried to pay attention to those insignificant details.

Kyouya instinctively reaches for his mobile once again.

“No reception.” She reminds him tenderly, grabbing his wrist before he can get the device. “Was it a nightmare about someone you know?” She guesses and Kyouya whips his head around to glare at her. “It’s okay, you can tell me. Was it about Tamaki-san?”

His anger deflates soon enough and he shakes his head. “I’m tired.” He proclaims. “Let’s go back to sleep.”

“Okay.”

But he can’t. If he closes his eyes, only those images are there. He hugs his sister close, hating himself for wanting to pretend she’s Kaoru.

The following morning she suggests they head back to the city, so he can contact this person and regain his sleep. Akito groans and complains and finally agrees because he’s bored out of his mind in the cottage with nothing to do.

Kyouya is eternally grateful and tries to call immediately once the mobile phone gets the signal back. He doesn’t stop to think about it, he waits impatiently for the other to answer and that is all.

“Kyouya?” Comes Kaoru’s distant voice. “Did something happen?” He sounds a bit confused but completely unharmed and relaxed. Kyouya feels an enormous weight being lifted off of his shoulders, an all-consuming weight that was crushing him. “Are you there?” He complains when there’s no reply.

“I’m here.” He doesn’t have much to add.

A moment in silence passes on the line.

Kaoru makes a little unhappy noise. “So? Did you need something? We thought you’ll be vacationing with your family and we weren’t supposed to call you?” Kyouya gets distracted by the even sound of Kaoru’s breathing – he can’t remember when he started thinking that sound was actually calming, but here he is. Fuyumi shoots him a look, smile too wide and caring to be comfortable. “Kyouya?” Kaoru tries again. “You there? You’re starting to worry me here.”

“I’m here.” He repeats. “I’m sorry.” He looks outside, green scenery vanishing as the car takes them back into the city. “It was only a few days, I’m going back today. I just said that so Tamaki wouldn’t annoy me too much.” The other laughs care-freely and it’s a chorus of angels right now, Kyouya feels those bad dreams disappearing from his memory. He can breathe now. “I just called to make sure things were fine while I was away.”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry. Things are alright here.” Kaoru sounds cheerful and he closes his eyes, picturing his sweet smile.

“Good. I have to go now. See you later.”

“See you, senpai!”

Kyouya smiles to himself and the gained peace inside him allows him to sleep easily during the ride home.

 

**3**

The next time he has a nightmare involving Kaoru, it makes a bit more sense – they’ve been (secretly) dating for three weeks now. And it’s fueled by the fact that he hasn’t seen him in the last two days because the twins are staying home due to sickness, it seems they caught a cold or something equally harmless but still, Kyouya’s brain apparently worries too much.

He dreams of an uncomfortably silent room that smells of chemicals and bleach, Kaoru resting too motionless for Kyouya’s liking, skin so pale that it almost rivals the white sheets of the bed. It twists Kyouya’s gut until he feels like he’s going to puke but he suppresses it if only to get closer to the boy, taking Kaoru’s cold hand in his. Kyouya hisses at the contact, surprised by how unresponsive the other seems.

He breathes a sigh of relief when he notices Koaru’s chest rising and falling normally. But as soon as the relief arrives, the doctors do too; rushing in brisk steps, bringing medical instruments with them along with harsh instructions for Kyouya to leave. He can’t tolerate the idea and has to be pushed out of there by two nurses, door closing on his face – he knocks and claws at it, demanding to be let in, he’s an Ootori goddammit, he can handle medical emergencies.

An eternity later, when he exhausted himself after screaming and punching the door in vain, he’s allowed to go in. Kaoru wears a peaceful mask on his face but the bed is completely blood-stained and Kyouya’s heart hammers in his chest. Nurses and doctors walk out of the room in silence and as if nothing happened. Kyouya can’t stand this, he grabs the nearest person to him, a young female doctor and demands explanations out of her.

The woman shakes her head and offers him a sad half smile, eyes downcast. A universally-known and easy-to-comprehend gesture.

Kyouya releases her, voice trapped in his throat – he has all these insults and questions running relentlessly in his mind. _This can’t be happening!_

The alarm clock doesn’t get smashed this morning. In fact, it’s probably the first time Kyouya is grateful for being woken up. The lingering feeling of the cold dead bloodied body of Kaoru pressed against his, Kyouya hugging him as if that could transfer some of his life into the other, is enough to make him rush to the bathroom, emptying his stomach’s content in violent retching motions.

School day is bleak and goes in stretches of bad mood and compliant pessimism. Kyouya glares at everyone in sight, even his best friend who ignores his temper quite well. However, before walking towards the Third Music Room, he subtly introduces to Tamaki the idea of visiting the twins to see how they’re doing.

*

Hikaru seems to be doing quite well – he informs them that since he got sick first, he also recovered first. Kaoru smiles weakly at them and tries to laugh at Hikaru’s exclamations – when the laugh ends up in a coughing fit, Kyouya’s heart breaks, but at least he’s _alive_.

“Hey.” The younger twin says in a tiny voice and Kyouya smiles at him.

He makes him sit down, seeing the other lying in between white sheets is too reminiscent of last night’s nightmare. Kaoru complies and says nothing about the way Kyouya handles him as if he’s made of the most expensive and fragile crystal ever.

“What did your doctor said?”

“A simple cold. Only problem is I tend to be quite feverish.”

Hikaru has a quick comeback that’s an innuendo and has Tamaki blushing and Haruhi reprimanding him exasperatedly. Kyouya ignores them completely in favor of touching Kaoru’s forehead – and if his hand lingers a few extra seconds, no one comments on it.

“Your temperature seems normal now.”

“Of course, I’ve been taking good care of him!” Hikaru chimes in, watching Kyouya carefully.

“I see.” But Kyouya doesn’t even glance at the other twin.

Hikaru huffs and stomps away, grabbing Tamaki in one hand and Haruhi in the other and dragging them with him. “Let’s go play some videogames.” He says in anything but a cheerful tone, leaving no room for discussion or protests.

Hani snickers but follows suit, Mori directing one last look at the couple they leave behind before walking away too.

“What just happened?”

Kaoru coughs and then yawns, stretching cat-like. “I guess Hikaru thinks we need some time alone.” He smiles softly, eyes tired and glassy.

“Please don’t.” Kyouya begs when Kaoru is about to lie down again.

The red-head blinks in confusion but doesn’t complain and moves a bit so Kyouya can sit beside him on the bed.

“Everything okay?”

“Yes.” Kyouya answers more out of instinct than anything else, and kisses Kaoru chastely on the forehead. “How do you feel?” A hand finds its way towards Kaoru’s hand and he checks his pulse there before entwining their fingers.

“Exhausted.” He confesses and rests his head on Kyouya’s shoulder.

“Then sleep.”

“But you’re here.” And he buries his face in Kyouya’s neck.

Kaoru isn’t cold and he’s breathing, that’s all Kyouya needs to ease his mind.

“And I’ll be here when you wake up.”

He feels the smile in Kaoru’s lips against his skin, warm breath puffing against his neck. It’s so comforting and relaxing that he falls asleep too.

 

**4**

It starts with a fight.

“Jobs are prohibited.” Kyouya hisses.

“You weren’t _this_ mad at Haruhi.” Kaoru shoots back.

“I’m not mad.” Kyouya lies. “And Haruhi probably _needed_ the job.”

“Well, mom asked us! It’s not like I could refuse, you know?”

“Of course.” Kyouya agrees with sarcasm. “You couldn’t refuse the attention of that perverted photographer either. Right.”

“You weren’t there! Hikaru was totally exaggerating. Don’t overreact, please.”

Kyouya glares at the other. “I am _not_ overreacting. I’m simply worried you get harassed because you’re mellower than your brother.”

“I can handle myself around others just fine, thank you very much.” Kaoru snaps. “I’m not some delicate thing that needs to be protected. Ugh, Haruhi is right, you’re all a bunch of overprotective fools.” He balls his fists at the sides of his body, sending daggers at the other merely to turn around and go for the door.

“Kaoru, wait.” Kyouya jumps from his sofa, reaching for the red-head before he can leave. “I’m sorry.” He whispers softly and hugs Kaoru from behind. “I’m not mad. I’m just…” He trails off.

“Jealous.” Kaoru finishes for him. “ _I know_.” Kyouya notices the smugness in his voice. “And I’m usually okay with it, I like it even. But this? I wasn’t being anything but professional.”

Kyouya buries his face in Kaoru’s neck, nose placed against that point where neck meets shoulder, and tightens his arms around his waist. “I know you were.”

“And I knew the guy was flirting with me.” He sighs. “Don’t tell Hikaru, but before leaving, he gave me – and only me – his card. He said I should call him, that he knows important people.” Kaoru snorts at this. “As if I don’t know people! I’m a Hitachiin for God’s sake. What a jerk.”

“What did you do with his business card?” Kyouya asks in a tone that in anyone else would come off as shy.

“I threw it away, what else would I do?” Kaoru shifts with a snicker he doesn’t let escape from his mouth. “I briefly considered pranking the loser but he wasn’t worth my effort.”

“Good.”

Kaoru turns into his embrace to fully face the other, an unguarded truly beautiful smile on his lips.

“Look, Hikaru made it sound awful. Yes, he was flirting with me, and I kind of flirted back if only to not make things worse – after all, mom did ask us to stay in our best behavior for the photo-shoot. That doesn’t mean I was interested in the guy.”

Kyouya frowns. “I understand.” And he presses his mouth into Kaoru’s ear, making him shiver all over. “I don’t have to like it though.”

To be completely honest, _this_ starts with Kyouya being jealous and with Kaoru knowing how to deal with him – for the most part, that is. So the red-head moves enough to kiss Kyouya full on the lips, hands linking together behind Kyouya’s neck.

“That’s fine.” He murmurs so lowly that Kyouya barely makes out the words. “But remember I’m yours, that’s all.” The finality and confidence in the tone is astonishing and makes him tremble with anticipation or something similar.

They both may be inexperienced and usually come across as less fiery than their counterparts, Tamaki and Hikaru; however, there really is so much passion inside them that once in a while is necessary to release such raw _heat_. Kyouya’s burning earnest kicks in at the _I’m yours_ line and there’s no stopping now. Kaoru knows this the way he knows that he will enjoy their first time.

It is clumsy and they don’t get things right at first, there are some laughs and glaring and soft gasps along with overjoyed moans. Kaoru tries to not be too pushy and Kyouya tries to cool down his dominant instinct enough to listen to what Kaoru has to say. It’s not perfect, but it’s _right_ for them and it’s what they want.

 _This_ starts with a fight, yes. However, Kyouya’s brain overworking itself to come up with a realistic nightmare might have started before the fight – perhaps, sometime when Hikaru snidely commented on the photographer’s ill-intentioned interest in Kaoru.

Whenever it was the beginning, it ends up exactly as it’s expected to end.

Kaoru wakes up in the middle of the night due to distressed sounds coming from the other side of the bed. It should be cute or endearing that Kyouya sleep-talks but the fact that he’s babbling and trashing desperately makes it an awful piece of private information. He inches closer, moving strands of dark hair to watch Kyouya’s face better – his demeanor is one of scrunched up displeasure and pain.

A nightmare is quite obvious at this point. Kaoru’s heart breaks a little, he’s had his own fair share of bad dreams and knows from personal experience how ugly it can be.

“No… no… no, you can’t…” Kyouya mumbles, shaking his head softly around the pillow. “Don’t leave me.” Kaoru feels a sympathetic impulse and leans down to press a tender kiss on his forehead. “Don’t leave me… please, Kaoru…”

 _Oh_.

Oh well, that’s not the nightmare Kaoru was imagining going through his boyfriend’s head. He half smiles in spite of it all and presses another kiss.

“I’m here, I’m not leaving.” He murmurs in a low caring tone, lying down again and holding Kyouya’s hand. He takes a deep breath and decides to actually tangle their legs together and stay as close as possible.

It seems to ease the other enough to stop frowning and that makes Kaoru smile more openly.

“Don’t leave…” Kyouya says again, this time his voice is less edgy and more breathy.

“I won’t.” Kaoru promises and it’s weird promising this while the other is asleep but it looks like the words penetrate through the foggy nightmare and Kyouya’s mouth twitches into a sleepy smile. “I’m here, shhh. Don’t worry, I’m not leaving.”

Kyouya buries his face against Kaoru’s chest and hugs him close as best as he can considering they’re both lying on their side and he hasn’t woken up yet. For a moment the contact is constricting and Kaoru gives a panted laugh, leave it to Kyouya to be demonstrative while unconscious.

“Too tight.” He points out while returning the hug. Kyouya loosens the embrace and makes an incomprehensible sound. “That’s better.” He leaves a kiss atop of Kyouya’s head and wills himself to go back to sleep.

The next morning, Kyouya looks shaken up and uncomfortable somehow and Kaoru’s first thought is that he has regrets about last night. However, his gray eyes light up at the sight of Kaoru still being there.

“Good morning.” Kyouya says solemnly, a relaxed tinge somewhere in there. “You’re here.” And he sounds dazed more than anything, as if he expected Kaoru to really just leave him – much like in his nightmare.

Kaoru cocks his head one side and inspects the other for a long moment, silence stretching between them. Kyouya furrows his eyebrows and caresses his cheek, an unbearably fond intake of breath at the reality of Kaoru’s presence in his bed. He kisses the red-head languidly and passionate when his ministrations aren’t objected.

He smiles into the kiss and makes a needy sound in the back of his throat, encouraging Kyouya even further.

Kaoru considers telling him about this sleep-talking habit of his but he refrains as soon as he feels his other hand travel down the expanse of his flat stomach and down his legs. Yeah, he thinks he’ll keep this piece of data all to himself.

“Good morning.” He reciprocates finally, breathless and flushed. Kaoru is bright and open right there and Kyouya’s muscles relax even more, eyes losing that concerned edge. “It’ll be an even better morning if you keep that up.”

Kyouya obliges readily.

 

**5, 6, 7, 8, & 9**

The subsequent round of nightmares comes in quick succession for a whole week, one per night. It occurs during a week when the twins are having a real fight, so Kaoru has little to no time for intimacy with Kyouya – well, more like he’s in no mood for anything more than a short hidden kiss and a squeeze of hands when no one’s looking.

Kyouya isn’t _that_ petty as to think he’s the cause of it. He’s quite sure it has more to do with the fact that they’re still adjusting at being two completely different individuals, and while most altercations are dealt amicably, some are not. The twins can be harsh and vicious, and they’re still navigating the uncertainty that means fighting and disagreeing with each other.

So, no, he’s not the cause, but he knows better than to think that his relationship with Kaoru isn’t Hikaru’s ammunition when the older twin is throwing a temper tantrum.

Kaoru looks positively disgruntled and Hikaru seems to be in the same condition. It takes them the whole week to work it out, Haruhi and Tamaki’s interventions being benign but ultimately futile. Hani and Mori occasionally offer input but most of the time go ignored. Kyouya decides to stay away from it, he gives silent support to Kaoru when he so much as seeks it but that is all.

He also makes a point with Hikaru, he’s still his friend and he’s not taking sides here. Kyouya wants both twins content and their connection is too important to pretend that Kaoru can go on without Hikaru (or vice versa). It is a fact, after all, and Kyouya won’t deny it – there’s no merit in playing pretend and uselessly believing Kaoru is utterly irrevocably Kyouya’s. There’s a high chance that Hikaru will always come first, that’s just how things are.

Hikaru, in spite of his melodramatic flare and how obtuse he can be sometimes, takes this as a truce sign. Both want Kaoru happy, so, there, they don’t need to horde him all to themselves.

That doesn’t seem to actually calm Kyouya. His nightmares are all related to Hikaru pushing Kaoru to choose one of them. Painful accuracy lets him know the dreamt outcome can repeat itself in real life.

These are the worst nightmares because they feel even more real than any other. The way Kaoru cries on his chest and kisses him passionately one last time before destroying everything they’ve built together— it’s too much, it paralyzes him with fear and overwhelms him. Kyouya rationally knows Hikaru isn’t this inattentively evil, for a lack of better wording. Nonetheless, that doesn’t stop his mind from providing these scenarios.

He grows restless as the week passes by, eyes swollen from the lack of sleep. He gets irritable and snappy and tends to let his brain wander around without focusing on anything. Most people simply avoid him and Kyouya starts to wonder how on earth the twins fighting translates into him becoming some sort of frosty zombie who will bite your head off if you dare to cross paths with him. Tamaki tries his best to make the twins make up, and somewhere along the line he has kept doing it because he hates seeing Kyouya this displeased. Haruhi gives him sympathetic smiles and pats his shoulder now and then, much like Mori does. Hani smiles sweetly and tender and gives him cake.

It has come to this, really, his friends pity him.

Hell, Hikaru pities him, he cringes every time Kyouya goes for Kaoru, hand brushing whatever part of the other he can reach, it’s ridiculous. At first Kyouya thinks Hikaru winces because he dislikes seeing those displays of affection but then he _realizes_ it – Hikaru dislikes seeing Kaoru ignoring the honest devotion he’s getting. Kyouya becomes a bit more insistent then ( _green light from Hikaru?_ , he thinks, _that will do_ ), leaving tender kisses on Kaoru’s cheek even when he’s not paying him any attention, holding his hand at every chance.

The fact that Kaoru half smiles sadly at him and barely returns the gesture does nothing to ease him, nightmares hunt him, nightmares _are_ like this.

Saturday night rolls around and Kyouya sincerely is expecting them to be self-fulfilling premonitory dreams.

When a maid announces that Hitachiin-san wants to see him he idly thinks that club hours will be so awkward now, but he can’t leave Tamaki wholly in charge of it so they will have to find a way to move around the elephant in the room. By the time Kaoru knocks on his door, Kyouya only laments the fact that he didn’t get the chance to do more things with the younger boy.

He opens the door, eyes flat and staring. Kaoru gives him a rueful smile.

“I own you an apology.” He says all sheepish tone and hands that twitch to reach for him. Kyouya blinks, slightly out of context. “I’m sorry I was busy fighting Hikaru to pay you more attention.” Kaoru looks so soft and innocent that if Kyouya really wants to he can forget the fact that he knows how the other looks when he comes completely undone. “We made up. So I’m here now. And I’m sorry about this past week.”

He hears there in somewhere their friends’ attempts at redirecting Kaoru’s attention towards Kyouya.

“No, I understand.” He hears himself reply. Relief washes over him in an impressively powerful wave and he doesn’t refuse the urge to hug Kaoru close, so real and present in his arms.

“And I love you for understanding.” Kaoru drops so casually as if he’s talking about the weather. Kyouya sucks in a breath and presses his lips to Kaoru’s pulse point in his neck. “I came to compensate the wasted time.”

Kyouya doesn’t sleep that night, but for a completely different reason.

 

**10**

News announce an earthquake somewhere he doesn’t catch and his Father easily comments about how the daughter of one of his associates died during it, the building in which the girl was fell all around her and she had no chance.

The voice sounds measurably calm and it burns Kyouya’s inside but he says nothing and keeps up the perfect smile all through dinner.

And the idea is all his brain needs.

He dreams of the Third Music Room falling apart, earth shaking under them. Lights flicker and the screams are deafening, he sees pure darkness and can’t recall where exactly each member was before the lights went out.

Tea cups fall from tables and empty chairs get knocked down, and it all adds up to the dreading feeling in his guts when the screams start to fill with not only fear but pain.

Tamaki says something trying to calm the crowd but it gets lost under the other noises. Kyouya braces himself a moment longer, it can’t last that long and Ouran Academy has a backup generator for occasions such as this.

But lights never come back, except for the sunlight that comes from where the ceiling used to be. He doesn’t understand because it makes no sense, the destruction left is surreal and Kyouya’s heart hammers in his chest while he surveys the collapsed building. White noise in his ears, he looks around trying to find the others.

His eyes automatically land on a red-headed figure lying on debris and shambles. Tears start to flow from his eyes without his allowance at the sight of blood all around the body. Kyouya runs to him, noticing a huge pipe coming from the middle of Kaoru’s chest.

His stomach does an awful somersault but he ignores it in favor of kneeling beside his boyfriend. Kaoru has an almost-there smile to offer him. He does his best at checking the injury but Kaoru’s been impaled. He chokes on his own tears, panting out of breath and trying to say something.

Kaoru opens his eyes, unfocused and blurry and Kyouya doesn’t know what to do.

“You’ll be okay.” He manages to utter at last, voice troubled and ragged.

Kaoru doesn’t answer and his eyes close again.

Kyouya wakes up to run towards the bathroom and empty his stomach.

*

He walks numbly around school, waiting to find Kaoru and be able to see for himself that nightmares keep getting the best of him but they mean nothing, the other _is_ safe and sound.

Taking a deep breath he enters the Third Music Room and appreciates the fact that in reality it is standing still and perfect as it should. Kyouya spots Kaoru quickly, the younger twin is taking a nap on one of the sofas.

“Is he okay?” He rushes to ask, bringing the other occupants’ attention.

“Who? Kaoru?” Hikaru questions simply and Kyouya nods, not even daring to look away. “Ah yes, he’s just tired. Got a new book and couldn’t be bothered to actually put it aside and sleep properly.” He explains waving a hand around to show that it’s nothing to worry about.

Tamaki gives Hikaru a dirty look. “I thought you said it was because he wore himself out with that prank! You even made me feel guilty about putting up a fight!”

Hikaru laughs loudly and shakes his head, doubling over. “Oh my God, you’re so naïve!”

Tamaki splutters and grabs him by the shoulder. “You devilish twin!”

The other shakes him off, winking at him. “It’s just that you’re so easy Milord.”

Haruhi watches them carefully and then exchanges a look with Kyouya – yeah, they both silently agree that for all the innuendos Hikaru usually uses, this time _that_ meaning completely flew over his head. Kyouya shrugs, not his problem, he has more than enough with one twin.

Ignoring the scoff, he goes directly towards the sofa. Kaoru seems deeply asleep and Kyouya doesn’t have the heart to disturb him only because he had a bad dream. He moves a few strands of hair to look the serene expression in his face and it brings him some peace of mind.

He kisses his temple and when Kaoru’s hand twitches involuntarily, he takes it in between his leaving a kiss on the open palm. Kyouya doesn’t go as far as to caress Kaoru’s chest when he dreamt he’d been impaled but he’s tempted to, maybe if they would have been alone…

Tamaki and Hikaru keep bickering at each other and Haruhi plays it cool, leaving everyone to their own devices.

Kyouya simply sits there until the other decides to wake up, holding Kaoru’s hand and occasionally petting his hair or leaving chaste kisses on his forehead.

 

**11**

Graduation approaches slow but surely and Kyouya worries. Tamaki astutely asks him if there ever was a time in life when he was carefree but Kyouya honestly doesn’t remember such a trait as his own so he lets it go and enjoys Tamaki good-naturedly laughing at him.

Haruhi makes it her mission to ask everyone what they’re planning on doing once high school is over. Tamaki flails around and assures her they’ll be friends forever and ever. She groans and clarifies she’s talking _exclusively_ about their academic plans – Kyouya sees through her apparent exasperation that she’s actually glad Tamaki had said such a thing.

 _Family_ , he reminds himself silently shaking his head.

The answers to her question bring another set of unpleasant ideas to his mind.

She tells them steadily and sure of herself about her idea of requesting a scholarship to study abroad, in Boston to be precise. Tamaki and Hikaru gape like fish out of the water, Kaoru pats his brother on the head as sweetly as he can.

Kyouya nods to himself. “I’m going to study abroad too.” He says conversationally. “Boston sounds as good a choice as any other, we might end up being roommates.”

Haruhi sees the benefit in this and agrees quickly, really, it’s better than getting a complete stranger as a roommate, at least with Kyouya she knows what to expect. Kyouya too understands the good sides of such an arrangement, he has the money to keep an apartment running and Haruhi has the commoners’ skills to do all other menial tasks, like cooking and cleaning. And she’s probably less annoying than an infinite number of other possible roommates.

“Really?” Hikaru demands, crossing his arms over his chest obviously unhappy.

“You should think it twice though, going away so far— is that what you really want?” Kaoru asks out of the blue. His voice is innocuous enough that it _seems_ he’s not pissed off (which is oh so wrong, the too saccharine smile gives him away). No matter what it looks like, the question isn’t directed at Kyouya but at Haruhi.

She inspects him and nods slowly. “I’m still thinking about it.” She proclaims at last.

There’s an unspoken agreement that you should never ever mess around with the people Kyouya cares about, the consequences may be terrible and unpredictable. That means being careful with Tamaki and the Host Club members in general.

Now, what few people know is that they should be equally careful with the twins’ toys. You don’t want to anger them because you handled their belongings with anything else than pure admiration and respect. Hikaru still grumbles and complains nosily and is hostile towards others. Kaoru on the other hand… he’s more subtle and you’ll regret the day you saw him in the eyes – it seems Kyouya’s coldness and precision rubbed off on him.

He smiles at her more honestly now and makes a joke about how he doesn’t want to worry about his best friend and boyfriend living together on the other side of the world, a threat that doesn’t go unnoticed.

Tamaki blanches and Hikaru bumps his shoulder with his brother’s, eyes going a bit wide and eyebrows doing something that communicates to Kaoru he needs to back off. It’s funny coming from the older twin so Kaoru laughs it off and leaves.

Kyouya doesn’t have anything to add.

*

Graduation comes and goes.

He’s not expecting Kaoru to stop him or ask him to stay, he’s going to Boston no matter what Haruhi decides in the future.

Kaoru isn’t expecting Kyouya to stay, he’s glad about it even if it makes him sad – he wants Kyouya to go to the best university possible, he wants him to succeed, he wants him to impress his Father and surpass his Father’s expectation. He still doesn’t like it though.

“Will you come back when you graduate?”

His throat goes dry. “Of course.” _If not sooner_ he wants to say but really, he’s not one to make empty promises.

“I’m going to miss you.” Kaoru confesses and kisses him before getting a reply.

It’s an effective tactic, after that they stop talking except to give encouragement or asking for a change of pace.

And time again Kaoru is woken up in the middle of the night by displeased sounds coming from Kyouya. He swears under his breath that he will slap Kyouya if he says _don’t leave me_ because Kaoru isn’t the one leaving.

The other trashes and latches at his side, scowling and flushed breathless as if he run a marathon. Kaoru feels his heart constrict at the despair in the way Kyouya clutches him, hands fisting his improvised pajama shirt. He pets his hair gently, feeling the sweat on his forehead.

“It’s okay.” He murmurs.

“Don’t break up with me.” Kyouya answers immediately. “I’m coming back for you, I promise.”

Kaoru blinks and takes a long moment until he notices that yes, Kyouya is sleep-talking. The desperation and honesty in those words rip him apart, he smiles either way.

“Okay.” He kisses the corner of his lips. “Go back to sleep peacefully.” Kaoru prompts. It calms the other down but he doesn’t let him go at any moment until morning comes.

*

Before boarding the plane, Kaoru hugs Kyouya as tightly as he can, pressing a discreet kiss on his neck.

“I’ll be waiting for you.” He whispers, fighting the stingy feeling in his eyes. “Come back for me, okay?”

Kyouya stiffly nods and returns the embrace, smiling and giving him a kiss of his own.

 

**12 to 37**

Studying abroad per se isn’t hard. The hard part is being away from the people he loves. Kyouya won’t ever mention it but he’s pretty sure everyone simply _knows_ it. Haruhi being his roommate is a touch of _home_ and _normal_ and he appreciates it quite a lot in fact.

He talks to Tamaki, Kaoru and Hani on a daily basis, Hikaru and Mori e-mail him; and still he feels homesick, how troublesome.

And the distance and time to himself make his mind overwork. Nightmares show up as they please.

Sometimes he dreams Kaoru dumps his sorry ass – which he’s reassured the next day it hasn’t really happened because Kaoru compulsively texts him silly declarations of love (and sometimes of lust, he notes with a smirk). Sometimes he sees Kaoru dying in extremely violent accidents and those unfold a foggy cover over him, so dense and thick he can barely stand it. Sometimes he dreams of Hikaru calling him in hysterics to tell him how Kaoru has fallen irremediably ill and there’s nothing doctors can do about it.

Kyouya hates nightmares, goddammit.

He doesn’t talk about them. Haruhi has woken him once in a while, tender smile in place and a glass of water in her hands. Sometimes he feels like he hasn’t been woken and moves like a zombie, waiting for a confirmation of what it’s actually the truth.

Kaoru may possess a sixth sense at that, calling most of the times just as he’s losing grip of himself. His voice comes sweet and controlled as if he just knows and Kyouya lets his mind wander back to the days when he had the other right at arm-lengths and could hug him at pleasure. The other goes at the extreme of staying in the line murmuring nonsense to Kyouya until he falls asleep.

They never talk about the nightmares either but the shaken up tone Kaoru talks with now and then makes him think that he’s not the only one having them. Kyouya doesn’t know if that’s a relief or something new to worry about.

 

**???**

Once he’s back in Japan, Kyouya sees no point in keeping count of his bad dreams. They happen from time to time, he can’t stop them – Kaoru can ease them but no, he can’t stop the nightmares either.

It’s not that terrible though. And they lessen when Kyouya proposes to Kaoru, they technically can’t marry yet but that doesn’t prevent Kyouya from getting a ring and whispering in the middle of them having sex how much he loves Kaoru and how he wants him by side for the whole eternity.

Kaoru whole-heartedly agrees and promises to stay by his side as long as he’s wanted because he loves Kyouya so much.

And before they fall asleep, Kyouya thinks he hears Kaoru mumble back that he will keep the nightmares at bay too.

**Author's Note:**

> Headcanon: “Kyoya sometimes has awful dreams about losing Kaoru, sometimes to someone else, sometimes in awful accidents or to health issues. When he wakes up the next day, he tries not to show that he is so scared, but Kaoru can always tell. Either because when Kyoya is having those dreams in the night, he tends to sleep-talk (though Kaoru will NEVER let him know because where’s the fun in that??), his face gets scrunched up, and he holds on to Kaoru a bit too tightly, hence what wakes him up. But during the day, he notices Kyoya will touch his head with his lips or brush his hand across his forehead to make sure his temperature is normal, although Kyoya thinks he is being subtle. Then when Kaoru wears himself out with a prank on Mi’Lord with Hikaru and usually passes out on the couch for a quick cat nap, Kyoya will check his vitals. Again what he doesn’t realize is that Kaoru does take only quick cat naps, and wakes up halfway through, but for Kyoya pretends that he is still sleeping until he is done. And then when they are in bed, Kaoru goes a bit more out of his way to nuzzle Kyoya, and make sure he knows just how loved he is. Kyoya has his suspicions that Kaoru knows, but always gets a bit distracted as soon as he has his red-headed devil in his arms.”
> 
> Source: http://oh-so-typical.tumblr.com/post/105491866085/kyokao-fellow-shipper-here-so-glad-to-find


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